A brand new year!

I have never had the need to look past 2012. 2012 was the last year that made any sense at all, and that I was prepared for in any way. I would graduate college in 2012. I knew that I wanted to do that for a really long time, and I thought it was a long time away. It would take forever, right? I had a ton of things to figure out before then, and when I did reach that year, I would be a grown up and I would know who I was and what I would be doing. 

What silly thoughts. 

Now I find myself...past 2012...leaving it in the dust and I have no idea what lies ahead. Ideas are slowly forming...passions and goals are slowly shaping what will be my next year, but it's still hazy. There's still room for change and for the unexpected...always. What will 2013 look like? Who will I be at the end of it? Will my roles be the same or will I have added or lost some of them by the time I'm welcoming 2014? 

Daughter. Sister. Granddaughter. Girlfriend. Friend. Student. 

These basic roles that are attached to me now and that define who I was in 2012...will they still be a part of who I am in 2013? Nothing is definite except for God. Nothing is certain to stay the same or to change in the way that I think it might. So I find myself grasping God's hand. Holding tight to him because the temporary things and the imperfect things of this world might abandon me or let me fall or hurt me or laugh at me in one situation or another. That's what God is showing me. It's not something tragic! It's life...this unending string of moments where emotions and thoughts and actions are made fast and hard. Everything is flexible. Nothing is constant. Except God. Except my Creator who holds me fast and never lets go of my hand. I love him for that. For who he is...not just to me but to everyone with no discrimination. I love the justice and the poetry of him. I love the joy and peace that flows from his hands.

As you can probably tell from this post, I have a complicated relationship with change. 
It's a love/hate relationship that ebbs and flows and never feels certain.
I want and crave new adventures and variety, but I cling to the "way things used to be" and I never want to give things up. I never want to let go of the familiar. 
I want both, which is of course impossible, not to mention selfish, stubborn, and greedy. 
Nevertheless, change is upon me. 
2013 will be another year of new things and change. Which means it's even more important for me to take this time to root myself in God, the only one who is the SAME yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

This year, I was introduced to the idea of choosing one word to cling to throughout the new year. One word to be your sort of theme for the new year. So I started looking forward to what this year will or quite possibly could entail so far...and I thought of what I what I want or need to be to embrace and experience fully all of the new. 

The word I chose is: brave. 

I am scared to move forward into these new areas of life that I have only dreamed about for so long and that are now right in front of me. So I have two choices. Embrace or hide. And I've decided that I want to be brave and embrace this year with excitement and an adventurous spirit. And I know I can do that because God is right there with me; leading me, challenging me, giving me peace, and showing me new and marvelous things. :)