The Least of These

I’ve been living in Cambodia for 5 months now, and there are still days where I feel as though there’s no place I would rather be while at the same time acknowledging the painful realization that I will never belong here. These two feelings battle within me nearly every day.

There are moments, several times a day actually, where I’m embarrassed, ashamed, or lost. It has become a natural part of my daily life, and as I anticipate coming back to the States in a few weeks, I’m hopeful to think those feelings of confusion, discomfort, apprehension, and worry will cease, but my deepest fear is that it will continue and take on a new form.

I can’t go through the day without feeling an immense amount of despair. Not pity - but pain and hurt for the world, as we know it to be.

These are some of my current struggles and why may you ask am I choosing to share them with you today?

 Community.

When thinking back to my previous whirlwind of an experience traveling around the country of Cambodia for 3 brief weeks, I am now reminded of what originally brought me back to this beautiful country:  the people and the community.

The people of Cambodia are beautiful. Becca and I have shared a few stories of immense generosity and hospitality (do you remember Seng the mango man and our tuk tuk driver Mr. Reim?) Selflessness, tranquility, patience, and giving. Whether we are being prodded to sit down and eat first, being helped by 3 tuk tuk drivers all working together to find our location, or being given 3 pairs of jewelry from the girls in the span of 5 minutes, the desire to give and give generously is embedded in the culture of Cambodia. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know no place, no culture, no people are perfect – each have their own faults and set of unhealthy tendencies, but I appreciate that Cambodians value selflessness.

I also love the people of Cambodia for their gratitude. I’m not the first person to realize that the poorest of people seem to be the most grateful. Why does having less allow us to appreciate life so much more? Even after living here for a short 6 months, I still have no answers. If anything, it makes more logical sense for those with less to be bitter, greedy, and possessive – but the opposite is true.  I find myself having pity on the poorest of the poor.

BUT, recently I have found a new hope. It’s not about things. It’s not about what you own or don’t own, it’s not about what they have or you have. It’s not about stuff. The burden and fear that comes from living on the streets is something I’ll never be able to fully grasp, but the question still arises - why are those who we view as “less fortunate” filled with the most gratefulness? Maybe it’s how we define “less fortunate.”Does it mean the poor, homeless, oppressed, victimized, weak, most vulnerable? Does it mean women, children, or handicapped? I once pitied those who were “less fortunate” until I was asked by a friend, “What specifically causes you to pity them?” The honest truth is that I felt pity because I felt that my life was better than theirs, and I felt guilty about it! I felt superior to them and I didn’t want to!  I was guilty of dehumanizing them and only seeing them in relation to what they had or didn’t have.

There are still moments when the feelings of pity creep into my thoughts. By feeling pity I am still allowing “stuff” to separate me from them, and that’s not what it’s about! But now instead of pity, I’m grateful. Their gratitude in the small and simple things in life leaves me with the same feeling of gratefulness. Their gratitude gives me hope and their acceptance of their own current living conditions helps me accept it as well.    

Community

Since living in Cambodia, I hoped that the city’s sense of community would rub off on me. The only thing I can compare living in Phnom Penh to, is living in a big city with a small town feel. Here are just a few examples of the kind of community here.

• Nearly every house has a balcony. People are always outside sweeping their street, walking, selling various items, working, or just hanging out.  
• There are less physical barriers between people. Even while riding on the streets (being that the most common modes of transportation are motos, tuk tuks, and bicycles) people ride side by side, talk with each other and can even hold on to one another while riding down the roads.
• Overall, Cambodia is a very public place and privacy is not heavily valued.
• Whether it’s 6am or 6pm the early mornings and early evenings are always filled with Cambodians gathering together to do yoga, stretching, dancing, or other forms of exercise in several parks and open areas in the city.
• The entire city coming together to mourn the death of the King Father Sihanouk. They mourned together. For 7 days, they gathered outside the Royal Palace weeping, praying, and paying their respects to his years of service to the people.

And it’s the community here that I have fallen in love with. Selfishly, it’s one of the reasons why I wanted to come back. But I wonder is it that the community here is really so different or is it that I am more open and willing to see it?

I realize that it’s not possible to mimic the exact same type of community I see here in Cambodia, but it is possible to create community within the States. It may look different but it IS possible.      

Your love and support again is SO greatly appreciated. Please continue to pray for conversations to open up, relationships to continue to grow, and for Becca and I’s transitioning period.