The Least of These

I’ve been living in Cambodia for 5 months now, and there are still days where I feel as though there’s no place I would rather be while at the same time acknowledging the painful realization that I will never belong here. These two feelings battle within me nearly every day.

There are moments, several times a day actually, where I’m embarrassed, ashamed, or lost. It has become a natural part of my daily life, and as I anticipate coming back to the States in a few weeks, I’m hopeful to think those feelings of confusion, discomfort, apprehension, and worry will cease, but my deepest fear is that it will continue and take on a new form.

I can’t go through the day without feeling an immense amount of despair. Not pity - but pain and hurt for the world, as we know it to be.

These are some of my current struggles and why may you ask am I choosing to share them with you today?

 Community.

When thinking back to my previous whirlwind of an experience traveling around the country of Cambodia for 3 brief weeks, I am now reminded of what originally brought me back to this beautiful country:  the people and the community.

The people of Cambodia are beautiful. Becca and I have shared a few stories of immense generosity and hospitality (do you remember Seng the mango man and our tuk tuk driver Mr. Reim?) Selflessness, tranquility, patience, and giving. Whether we are being prodded to sit down and eat first, being helped by 3 tuk tuk drivers all working together to find our location, or being given 3 pairs of jewelry from the girls in the span of 5 minutes, the desire to give and give generously is embedded in the culture of Cambodia. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know no place, no culture, no people are perfect – each have their own faults and set of unhealthy tendencies, but I appreciate that Cambodians value selflessness.

I also love the people of Cambodia for their gratitude. I’m not the first person to realize that the poorest of people seem to be the most grateful. Why does having less allow us to appreciate life so much more? Even after living here for a short 6 months, I still have no answers. If anything, it makes more logical sense for those with less to be bitter, greedy, and possessive – but the opposite is true.  I find myself having pity on the poorest of the poor.

BUT, recently I have found a new hope. It’s not about things. It’s not about what you own or don’t own, it’s not about what they have or you have. It’s not about stuff. The burden and fear that comes from living on the streets is something I’ll never be able to fully grasp, but the question still arises - why are those who we view as “less fortunate” filled with the most gratefulness? Maybe it’s how we define “less fortunate.”Does it mean the poor, homeless, oppressed, victimized, weak, most vulnerable? Does it mean women, children, or handicapped? I once pitied those who were “less fortunate” until I was asked by a friend, “What specifically causes you to pity them?” The honest truth is that I felt pity because I felt that my life was better than theirs, and I felt guilty about it! I felt superior to them and I didn’t want to!  I was guilty of dehumanizing them and only seeing them in relation to what they had or didn’t have.

There are still moments when the feelings of pity creep into my thoughts. By feeling pity I am still allowing “stuff” to separate me from them, and that’s not what it’s about! But now instead of pity, I’m grateful. Their gratitude in the small and simple things in life leaves me with the same feeling of gratefulness. Their gratitude gives me hope and their acceptance of their own current living conditions helps me accept it as well.    

Community

Since living in Cambodia, I hoped that the city’s sense of community would rub off on me. The only thing I can compare living in Phnom Penh to, is living in a big city with a small town feel. Here are just a few examples of the kind of community here.

• Nearly every house has a balcony. People are always outside sweeping their street, walking, selling various items, working, or just hanging out.  
• There are less physical barriers between people. Even while riding on the streets (being that the most common modes of transportation are motos, tuk tuks, and bicycles) people ride side by side, talk with each other and can even hold on to one another while riding down the roads.
• Overall, Cambodia is a very public place and privacy is not heavily valued.
• Whether it’s 6am or 6pm the early mornings and early evenings are always filled with Cambodians gathering together to do yoga, stretching, dancing, or other forms of exercise in several parks and open areas in the city.
• The entire city coming together to mourn the death of the King Father Sihanouk. They mourned together. For 7 days, they gathered outside the Royal Palace weeping, praying, and paying their respects to his years of service to the people.

And it’s the community here that I have fallen in love with. Selfishly, it’s one of the reasons why I wanted to come back. But I wonder is it that the community here is really so different or is it that I am more open and willing to see it?

I realize that it’s not possible to mimic the exact same type of community I see here in Cambodia, but it is possible to create community within the States. It may look different but it IS possible.      

Your love and support again is SO greatly appreciated. Please continue to pray for conversations to open up, relationships to continue to grow, and for Becca and I’s transitioning period. 

I'll have a caramel frappe.

I'm feeling a sort of "conversation over coffee with a good friend" post today. So hopefully you can settle back and sip along as you read about our latest adventures and learning experiences.
If you don't drink coffee...I can't help you.

Jules and I returned last week from Bangkok -- our Thailand trip. I'm gonna be honest...not being a "city" girl, it was more stressful than I would've hoped. Trying to figure out the 5 different modes of public transportation through what felt like a HUGE city left my shoulders in a big knot. Pretty much the exact opposite of Northeast Ohio -- I'm sure you're shaking your head and laughing that I didn't see that one coming. But we still had fun exploring, making mistakes (a lot of mistakes), and visiting Thailand for the first time.
Some of the observations that I made while we were there: 

• Street food is really good! Fresh fruit juice ranging from orange to pomegranate, noodle dishes galore, and yummy crepes served up on pretty much any sidewalk.
• If you're ever going through the underground train system in Bangkok, a little piece of advice. You cannot push your way through the turn-styles without sliding your token along the sensor first...the Thai subway workers ARE NOT a forgiving species.
• Parks are nice, tranquil places to escape from the hustle and bustle...but keep an eye out for man-eating monitor lizards. In my opinion, they are slowly taking over Thailand and soon there will be a 2:1 ratio with humans.
• The street food vendors were my favorite people I encountered. So joyful and they seem to love food just as much as I do!
• Ordering the cheapest thing on the menu at a coffee shop (an espresso shot) is a great way to use the facility to eat your mini box of Frosted Flakes in peace...however, even if it seems cheapest at first - your stomach will make you pay for it for the rest of the day.
• It's a bad sign in your taxi driver (or every taxi driver) cannot find your hotel.
• It's helpful to learn some of the basic Thai to get around the city...ask me if I did this...
• The Thai people (excluding the subway workers) are nice and helpful. They can tell just from your facial expression and your heavy reliance on your map that you need direction...and most will stop randomly and offer assistance!
• When you cross from Thailand into Cambodia...don't follow the man who will enthusiastically usher you into the "fake" Cambodian visa office. Because we had a tip-off from a new friend, thankfully, this was not among our adventures :) 
• It's not a good idea to get on a night bus and realize you're the only white people on it. It's also not a good idea to arrive in Phnom Penh at 4am.

Those are just some of the little things learned from our recent trip. We are now retiring from our Southeast Asia border crossings...I am content to never face another one for a solid decade at least. :)

Our trusty tuk-tuk driver and friend, Mr. Reim came to pick us up at the bus station at 4am so we weren't stranded. He has been one of my favorite relationships formed during the last 4.5 months. He always has a smile on his face and he is very protective of us. When he drops us off, he always waits to make sure we get through our gate safely before he pulls away :) It warms my heart. 

Jules and I had a really cool conversation with him this week while we waited to leave for an event at our church - ICA (International Christian Assembly). He asked us if our church was a Christian one. We said yes. Then he shared with us that he sometimes attends a Christian church held in the Olympic stadium. We also learned that he has two children - a daughter (19) and a son (12). HIs daughter sometimes attends this church with him. She is looking for work in the hotel managment/tourism field, but is having trouble because of her lack of experience since just graduating. I preceded to lament with Mr. Reim about how hard it is to find a job straight out of school without experience to back up a degree -- never would I have thought I would be having this conversation standing next to a tuk tuk in Cambodia :) It was really great to learn more about our friend and build more of a relationship with him beyond the usual "Can you take us to ____?" Please pray that God will give us more opportunities in our remaining time here to reach out and build stronger relationships with the people who have stolen our hearts :) 

I'll take some time to share some events from the past week or so:

Julie and I arrived back from Bangkok to find out that we are now down to ONE student in our English class. One of the girls we tutor each week has now begun beauty school every day, which conflicts with our schedule. There were mixed feelings about this just like last time. We are so happy she could have the opportunity to go to school and learn a trade that she is interested in...one more step for her to be independent and educated. But as you might have guessed, it came as quite a blow to lose half our class in one day. We'll miss her, but we are so proud :) 

Last week, Julie and I woke up around 6am for one of our runs around the streets. We have to wake up that early because the traffic is absolutely impossible after about 7:30. We got all dressed and made our way downstairs. Since it's so early, our landlady is not awake yet either so we have to unlock the gate to get out. The lock on the gate has always been temperamental, but usually one of us can get it open. Julie tried for a good few minutes before admitting defeat and handing the key over to me. I inserted the key and began to fumble it around to get it open. Not 3 seconds later, I was staring at half of a key in my hand. I BROKE THE KEY OFF IN THE GATE LOCK. Becca's crisis mode at 6am is not pretty...if you doubt, just ask Julie. She knows. After miming with our landlady for 5 minutes pointing at the broken key, pointing at the gate lock, and saying "som toe" (sorry in Khmer) about 1000 times...there really wasn't much else to do but head back upstairs. Needless to say, we did not end up running that morning and our gate has a brand new lock on it now...why that sweet woman has not kicked us accident-prone Americans out of her building is beyond me. 

We discovered an amazing "mee-cha" noodle dish sold in Russian Market for $1. That is a great day for anyone!

The school was closed a few days for King Sihanouk's funeral so we spent some time with the girls at the shelter. Within the first 15 minutes there, I had 3 new bead bracelets adorning my wrists and an "engagement" ring made of string and pearls that one girl slipped on my ring finger. When I explained to her that it meant an engagement in the U.S., she responded with "I know." Well okay then...the girl knew what she was doin. However, she also put a ring on Julie's finger, so the motives weren't entirely pure if you ask me.

Well...coffee time is over and I have to run! Thanks for listening to my mindless chattering!

Happy Chinese New Year! :)