More Than Enough

Tutoring
Becca and I now have had 6 days of tutoring! Due to one of the workers not feeling well, we weren't able to begin tutoring until Wednesday of last week. We bike to work every day and tutor with 2 girls for an hour. This hour is very special to us. The first day was unforgettable. Becs and I had discussed what we were planning on accomplishing the first day, but when the time came and we were both alone in a room with two unknown girls whose names we weren't able to pronounce correctly without being corrected, I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. What had I gotten myself into? It wasn't the nerves, I just had no idea what to say or do. I am not a teacher. The first 15 minutes felt like an eternity. The girls were extremely nervous and giddy which only increased my own emotions of nervousness and apprehension. Just exchanging names and trying to show them a few pictures of friends and family back home - I felt completely inadequate. As much as I despise these moments, God reveals Himself to me in such a beautiful way. Reminding me it's all about Him. In these moments of deep inadequacy, I am forced to FULLY rely on God. Even for a moment, even for an hour, even for one small aspect of my life. It is here where 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 comes to life. The book Jesus Calling  says, "True confidence comes from knowing you are complete in my Presence." I can stand tall, speak loud and clear, and know that even when I fail, even when I fall apart, I can have confidence knowing that I am STILL in God's presence. Later that day, God pointed me to Exodus 36:7 "...because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work." Since God is living inside of me even when I don't feel it or see it or comprehend it, I MUST BELIEVE the promises of God are true out of faith. If God is living inside of me, I have the power to do so much more than I can even begin to fathom. 

Becca and I figured things out as we went and the girls, 15 and 18 years old, were absolutely wonderful. They want to learn - which makes a huge difference! We laughed and smiled and even learned some new Khmer words. My cheeks hurt after our first day of tutoring because I couldn't stop smiling and laughing for an hour straight! We have had a translator in and out of our classroom, but from now on it will just be Becca and I. In the last 6 days we have been teaching them the ABCs, numbers, colors, and basic conversations. Every day except Fridays, Becca and I will teach these girls basic English and come up with our own lesson plans. Becca and I are absolutely thrilled to spend an hour each day with these girls. It is a joy and blessing to be with them, and we are so excited to learn and grow with them. 

ICA-International Christian Assembly
This is the church Becca and I attended last Sunday. A part of me felt at home, while another part felt strange to be in this type of church while in Cambodia. 31 nationalities represented and about 400-500 people. A worship band, English speaking congregation, air conditioning, and a pretty charismatic church for Cambodia. It was one of the only places we have felt we could be ourselves - not being stared at, pointed at, or judged. How beautiful - to walk in to a church and feel at home. The music was great and the sermon was both convicting and empowering, but the people we met on the way were what really made it feel like home. 

We were able to hitch a ride to the church with Jonathan Trotter and half of his family, son and daughter. From our first conversation, I almost immediately respected and admired their family. Sharing his story of coming to Cambodia, his path of work, and desire to minister to street kids, he was extremely friendly and authentic. His wife and him were missionaries and had a mini van, a house, and 4 kids to take care of all under the age of 10. What drew me to the family was their contentment. After being in Cambodia for only 9 months and taking Khmer lessons 5-6 hours every day, he said, "even if things didn't work out and we had to move back to the States tomorrow, I would still be grateful for the chance to come here. The time before we arrived and my experience since living here has changed me. I have grown and I am not the same person I was before." Such honesty and contentment bubbled over inside of him. The way he spoke and responded to his kids was beautiful. Not speaking down to them or talking to them on a lower level, but speaking to his kids the same way he spoke to adults. 

This family began a difficult but necessary conversation between Becca and I discussing the implications of being in Cambodia for such a short amount of time. 6 months is all I can handle right now, but 6 months seems like nothing. Even before leaving for Cambodia, God was teaching me about the importance of true community - both inward and outward. Everything seems to come back to relationships and commitment. Even before leaving I questioned what I could really do in 6 months? Is there even a difference I can make in that short period of time? Whether talking about an organization or people, change and growth takes place through long term investment in the lives of others. It just takes time. So what am I doing here? Logically lifelong relationships and long-term commitments are the "ideal." That is where true change and growth can take place and community is developed. If I do believe that, then why did I agree to come to Cambodia for 6 months? We talked about this for awhile and concluded that this is all true - YET God does not always work in ways that are logical. Logically, it makes sense that if I were in Cambodia for 3 years I could contribute much more than I could if I were only here for 3 weeks. However, God is not limited to what is logical. Now, I"m not saying this is always true or never true, but I am saying God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes those  friendships we have for a few short months are more impactful and life-changing than the friendships we have had for years or even those within our own families. Though a strong part of me believes that coming here for 6 months seems useless, wasteful, and selfish, I am reminded that God is not limited. Nothing is impossible; I must refuse to put any form of limitation on God, his abilities  and his movement. 

A New Friend: Seng
A highlight of this week took place as Becca and I rode back on a tuk tuk one afternoon. She noticed Seng on the side of one of the streets we passed, our mango friend we haven't seen in 3 weeks. I got excited and waved not realizing he thought I was flagging him down. I thought he was going to get on his moto and follow us but I didn't see him. Becs and I laughed about how funny that would be if he followed us all the way to our apartment. While we were about 3-4 blocks from our apartment, here comes Seng waiving his arms in the air. He had followed us! I was SO pleased - yet a bit hesitant. I didn't mean to wave him down, I just was excited to see him. It was too late now, he had followed us for so long we HAD to buy mangos now. I was facing Seng as we continued to ride, as he had a giant grin on his face - such a genuinely happy man. We stopped and got out at our apartment and he came over speaking the tiny bit of English that he knows to us. We were happy to see Seng since we hadn't seen him in such a long time. Remembering we had 5 mangos in the fridge, we were only planning on buying 3. However, Seng gave us his business card and persisted to give us 6 mangos and told us there was no charge! We were thrilled, ecstatic, and overjoyed by surprise! Seng a man who sells mangos all day; that's all he has. Mangos day in and day out...mangos, mangos, mangos. Yet - he gives us such a special gift; he gives us the only thing he has - mangos. I was so happy to see Seng and his smiling face, but to have received such a gift from him - I will never forget this man's act of kindness. 

Some highlights of the week
-they taught the first day of the life skills curriculum Becca and I have been working on
-heavenly and dangerous discovery: there's a night-time ice cream stand less than 2 blocks away that has very cheap ice cream! (Usally ice cream is rare and expensive.)
-God reminding me that it's still me - I'm still here and I haven't run away from myself
-discovering our favorite tuk tuk driver named Mr. Rith. He looks just like a gently caring father.
-seeing a movie called "Enemies of the People" a documentary interviewing the top leaders during the Khmer Rouge
-having our first "bad" meal - yet still not getting sick!

Prayer Requests
Prayer requests include God continuing to open up our hearts and minds. Every day it is a battle to put ourselves out there and not be afraid to fail. It will and does happy (quite frequently), but life moves on and God uses our failures to teach us new things. Pray that our fear of failing or thoughts of inadequacy won't prevent us from doing God's work. Pray that Becca and I will be able to build trust with the girls we are tutoring and begin to somehow show God's love to them through our teaching and interactions. Please also continue to pray for Becca and I's health as we are right in the middle of Dengue season. 

THANK YOU! WE LOVE YOU ALL!