Always Learning

First, to start off with some pictures!

Our bikes!! We love riding around the city with them!

The memorial for King Norodom Sihanouk outside the Royal Palace. 

 Some of the wonderful fresh fruit available at the market!

A beautiful sunny day here in Phnom Penh :) 

Enjoying a stroll around the park.

The end of a month here in Cambodia has brought along the next "phase" of living in a new culture. Frustration. Just getting annoyed with...well Cambodia. It sounds awful, and I want to automatically shame myself into acting and feeling the way I think I'm supposed to. I have these expectations...these pictures in my mind that I dreamt up before we got here of how well I would handle the transition and how I would love every minute of being here. Sad to say that those expectations are not 100% coming true.

Don't get me wrong -- I love this country. I love that I'm here, and I love that I get to be here for 6 months. I have even come to love some people I have met since arriving. But I also have moments...and sometimes whole days...where the culture of Cambodia and the unfamiliar feeling of it still just gets under my skin. I feel ashamed even writing it, but it's true.

I've decided to call it "sensory overload." It starts as soon as I walk out the door of our apartment and usually ends when I walk back in. It's just everything. The smells that immediately assail me and never really go away. The heat that makes it impossible for me to function and makes my entire body grow a layer of sweat. The yells and claps of tuk tuk and moto drivers trying to get my attention always and forever -- these guys are persistent. The market is an entirely different kind of sensory overload, and I'm not even gonna get into it. :) 

I know that these feelings are natural. I was told I would have them before we came. And I'm being honest about having them now. But none of that makes it any easier to adjust and to change perspective. The only thing I can think of is to just pray that God will not allow this "phase" to take away our joy and love for Cambodia and for this adventure. That it would not last, and we would constantly be able to see clearly our skewed perspectives. We would covet your prayers about this as well. Also, please keep the start of our English tutoring sessions in your prayers! We will hopefully be starting tomorrow!

On a brighter note, some highlights of our week were: attempting and succeeding at making Cinnamon Oatmeal cookies in our tiny toaster oven, vanquishing an entire army of tiny ants that invaded the living room, practicing some Khmer words during our ventures around town, making banana ice cream in our blender, and the number ONE highlight of the week was getting to lead a fun session of charades with the girls at the agency! SO fun and loved getting to spend time with all of them again!!

This week I read the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It was incredible! I don't know if any of you have read that book before -- it's not new by any means, but I just got around to reading it and was blown away. It is such a powerful testimony of courage, wisdom, death, love, friendship, and advice. I ended up writing down 4 pages of quotes from it, but one of the most influential to me was from page 136: "I believe in being fully present. That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking to you now, I try to keep focuses only on what is going on between us. I'm not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking of what's coming up this Friday. I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."

Being present has been rough since coming to Cambodia. Half of me is missing home and the people I love and wanting to fixate on only being here a short time and going back soon. The other half of me is loving this experience and loving the sweet people I am meeting and learning the language and making the most of every minute. These two halves are battling it out for top priority all the time it seems. And it's been hard to find a healthy balance. Being present in every situation. When I'm working on curriculum, being present and thinking about the girls and my time here. When I'm skyping or emailing my loves at home, being present with them and soaking up every word. I feel like the act and discipline of being fully present has been lost in so many ways through technology and the fast pace of society and the obsession with time in general. I'm praying that God will teach me to be fully present while I am here -- and in every aspect of my life. That I will give myself wholly to whatever I am doing in the moment, and I will be able to make each person I encounter feel that undivided attention and love. That's how I feel whenever I come before God, and that's exactly how I want to live. 

The Good and the...Not so Good

Becca and I are just arriving on our 3 week mark. Some days it feels as though we’ve been in Cambodia for such a short time while other days it feels as though we’ve been here for several months already. This past week Becca and I did a lot of work on the previously written curriculum editing, adding, and formatting parts that have already been done. We also had a special dinner at the agency where we played some silly games, listened to the girls sing an awesome rendition of old American pop songs in English, and even learned some hip-hop and traditional Khmer dance moves from the girls. Let’s just say Becs and I could use a few more lessons. :/

One of the highlights of the week was when Becca and I rode around on our newly purchased bikes!!! We cannot explain what an amazing feeling this was to us. Having exercise be a valuable part in both of our lives, we have greatly missed this part of our lives back home. Riding around felt so freeing; it gave us such a huge sense of control, which is definitely something we have been lacking the last 3 weeks. Maneuvering around traffic is quite challenging, but we are excited for this new adventure and to be able to travel on our own. 

Becca and I are constantly learning new things about ourselves, our families, and the world as we know it. It’s strange to believe, but I have felt a huge loss of independence since arriving in Cambodia. I move across the world to a new place not knowing anyone, with no rules, no schedule, and the ability to do whatever I want whenever I want yet when it boils down to it - I am stuck. I can’t drive, I can’t go many places, I can’t communicate. It feels like I can do very little or next to nothing on my own. I was not expecting to feel this dependent on people and places. God has been continually humbling me and revealing my individualistic tendencies. I’ve recently been reading a daily devotional Jesus Calling. Part of the message on October 10 stated, “self-sufficient: to be adequate without God’s help. This is a subtle sin so common that it usually slips by unnoticed. The alternative is to live fully in the present depending on God each moment. Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant supply.”  Becs and I believe that one lesson God is teaching us through this experience is to rely fully on Him in every situation and to learn to be dependent on each other as well. 

Becca and I have both felt a sense of guilt this past week. While we have found a wonderful apartment to stay in, we also recently found out we have a helper that cleans, does laundry, and goes to the market for us once a week. Becca and I feel so spoiled! It seems as though we are doing less here than we would be at home in America. My expectations of coming to Cambodia were nothing like this. I expected to live on the same level and status as the local Cambodians. Yet, the reality is very different. Being Caucasian, I am not only stared, pointed, and gawked at multiple times throughout the day, but I am treated differently both negatively and positively. In the Asian culture, everything seems to be about status. Whites are of higher status; therefore, in many instances treated as royalty. From hotel servers not let me carry huge pieces of luggage up 3 flights of stairs, or always having to eat first at meals…guilt has crept into my life daily. Seeing such drastic extremes in poverty and wealth, only increase my feelings of shame and guilt. Yet, where is my guilt coming from? Why do I feel that I can only serve God when I am suffering? Why do I feel so guilty about going to restaurants, taking care of myself, living in a nice apartment, or having a helper? I believe it’s coming from the deeper root of pride. I want to be the one suffering because then I feel like I am in control. I’m ok with suffering as long as it’s on my terms. As soon as I’m placed in situations that are new, something I didn’t sign up for, I’m left with immense fear and feelings of inadequacy. A post by Amey Victoria Adkins in an article entitled “Wear It Well” (Word Made Flesh) she stated, “it is so simple when the circumstances are ones of my choice. When I choose to put myself in certain conditions. But what about when they are chosen for us? The experiences we invite and the experiences that confront us are survived much more easily if we live in a continued place of learning.” This is my prayer.

The pride within me wants people to be encouraged and strengthened by my actions, by my compassion, by my courage. It’s difficult not to feel guilty for living in a nice apartment and having someone clean. I feel that I do not deserve these things. My individualistic upbringings has imbedded into me that I must earn everything I am given. In this new situation, I’m humbled and drawn to God’s grace. It is not something I have earned or deserved, but God does call me to accept His unconditional love and grace. Yet, when viewing all these things. Becca and I didn’t search out any of them. God placed all of these blessings and gifts in our lives. We should be thankful and grateful, praising Him instead of feeling guilty.

Becs and I also talked about much we feel an extra layer of protection since we’ve been here. Not only with health, safety, and having things run smoothly, but specifically with attitudes. Though we have our fair share of ups and downs, our attitudes have been encouraging, positive, and optimistic. I know that there is no way this would be possible if it weren’t for all the many prayers we are constantly receiving from friends and family. We cannot say thank you enough. A verse from the New Testament comes to mind that references being surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses." We are so grateful we feel that presence here. Though all areas of the world have both dark and light (good and evil) in some areas, like Cambodia, these distinctions are more exposed. While we feel your prayers so strongly, we have also felt a sense of the spiritual battle that is going on in Cambodia over the hearts of its people. Please pray for God's glory to shine here and also please continue to pray for Becca and I, living and working together, work and adjusting our lives, safety on the roads as we’ll be traveling more on our own biking, and anticipating our new work tutoring in the following week.

Eatin Rice and Dodgin Rain

Recap on our second week in Cambodia!!

We were able to go to work three times to observe and sort of go through an orientation to learn more about the organization. This time was amazing!! We were able to tour the facilities, and sit in on some cooking classes, basic life skill classes, and English classes. We LOVED getting to meet some of the girls and interact with them a bit :)

We also learned what we will be working on primarily for our time here. They are attempting to create a Life Skills curriculum for the girls that will be taught in their classes. This curriculum will cover everything you can imagine that most kids learn from their family growing up, but these girls have not had a chance to yet. Some of it has already been written by past interns, but we will be helping to first get everything formatted in the same ways (harder than it sounds since it's been developed by 10 different people) and then adding to it and writing certain sections that have not been started yet. We are really excited to tackle this challenge! We feel like it is very important for the girls to be able to function safely and live independently without getting dragged back into the cycle of trafficking. This is crucial education for these girls, and we feel really honored to be able to contribute to it! :) Please pray for us as we begin to work on this because neither of us feels qualified in any way to be writing curriculum this precious, so please pray that God will help us write it in a way that the girls will understand, that the teachers can easily teach, and that we will not get frustrated with ourselves during the process :)

Another big thing that happened last week was we moved out of our hotel room!! Hallelujah!! We were definitely starting to feel a bit cramped in one room and lost without a kitchen for sure. We are so very thankful to have moved into a beautiful apartment. We will be living with two women who also work for NGOs in the city, and they have a spare room, which they have SO graciously offered to us for a very, very good price each month!! We are so excited to live with them and get to know them more!! I think our personalities are all very compatible, and it has been fun so far, just over the weekend, to get to hang out and chat. We feel so incredibly grateful and just surprised again by God's amazing provision and blessings :) I still can't believe how this opportunity came to us!! God is so good.

So now that we have access to a kitchen, we have been making smoothies with all of the wonderful fresh fruits available around here and sandwiches with all of the refreshing veggies...making our own food for some meals feels awesome, and I have definitely missed it! Tonight we made a pasta dish with whole grain spaghetti and marinara sauce with some pesto mixed in…then we added tomatoes and cucumbers and walnuts to the sauce. It was delicious! So fun to cook :)

One thing that is pretty humorous about Cambodia is that the stores here have some random American products available. Like Oreos and Fruit Loops ($9 for a small box!) and Skippy peanut butter, and Snickers bars. I have even seen some Monster energy drinks and Slim Jims!! It's pretty funny and always surprising when we see some item so familiar sitting on the shelf! haha We are enjoying having some familiar choices that are available but also trying new foods and flavors. :)

This past Sunday we visited the Free Methodist Church that we went to 2 years ago with our group from school. Our friend, Philemon, went with us so we knew him at least. It was so fun and crazy to revisit a place that we had went to on our last trip here!! Neither of us ever though realistically that we would ever be back to Cambodia, and here we are. It just continues to amaze me that I have this chance to experience the culture and people all over again, and for such a longer amount of time. :)

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and thoughts for us as we are here!!!!! I have no idea where we would be without your love and support, and we can literally feel the prayer covering that is emanating from the States as we go about life over here in Cambodia. We are having so much fun experiencing all kinds of new things and re-experiencing things that we have forgotten about, and we are so thankful still for this opportunity.

A PRAISE: My (Becca) allergic reaction is going away on my legs, and we think it was the detergent on the sheets at the hotel. So happy it’s almost gone!!! Thank you for the prayers!

Happy October...enjoy the beautiful fall weather for me!!!!!!! I am missing it in this 80 degree tropical rainy weather! :/ Carve a pumpkin or go to a cider mill today in my honor! This is the best season :) 

"Same Same but Different"

Becca and I survived our first full week in Cambodia and we got to celebrate with a wonderful blessing from God. WE FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE!!! God demolished our expectations and fulfilled our need to find housing. Becca and I will be living in a safe apartment with two other American women who are working at two different anti-trafficking agencies. What an unbelievable opportunity! Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory.”

Here is the view outside our current hotel window.

Though we have been very anxious to begin work, Becca and I have both taken full advantage of our time here before beginning. We’ve spent lots of time writing, reflecting, journaling, and processing all that we see, hear, and experience. It's been a wonderful gift.

Waterfront view.

Last Saturday we were able to visit the Royal Palace and walk along the waterfront in a different area of the city. When it rains, it pours. There are moments when it feels as though we are in the middle of a rainforest, the raindrops are HUGE. One of the most exciting parts of the weekend was a wild ride we had back to our hotel on a tuk tuk (taxi service on a motorcycle). Our driver was hilarious as we drove through the flooded streets while being splashed by naked children playing in the life size puddles.




Sunday we attended an Anglican Church which was spoken in English. Becca and I take in these precious moments worshiping together with different types of believers from different countries, places, and cultures yet bringing glory to the same God. It’s absolutely beautiful. We plan on attending several different churches the first month or so before we begin to settle in somewhere.

Becca and I were assigned to read several articles prior to working at the agency. They included working in Cambodia and human trafficking specifically in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I cannot explain the feeling of reading about such things while looking out our window into the outskirts of nearby locations, not sure if I should allow my mind to go to that place.
As we are reading and learning more about the Cambodian culture one of the articles really resonated with me. It claimed, “very few of us give sufficient attention to recognizing that others think, believe and feel very differently than we do, sometimes so differently that nothing in our experience equips us really to understand each other at all. Perhaps it is because the subject is so challenging that so little time is given it.” Whether a foreigner has been working in Cambodia for 20 years or just 6 months, there are things that will never be understand and to some degree cannot understand. 

Royal Palace

Another view from our hotel

Prior to finding a place to live, Becca and I were looking at hotels online. We came across a very “nice” looking hotel only to find from the reviews that “the hotel had girls coming and going through the night, with lots of laughing noises and high heels on stairs. There was a side entrance off the lobby for this type of business.” At this point I’m still surprised by the commonality of sex trafficking here. I believe my naive surprise to be a good thing, I only fear becoming numb to this causality.

Prayer Request: Becca’s has had a mystery allergic reaction after our first days in Cambodia. It is not progressing but not improving much either. Becca and I will be moving soon to our new location so pray that we quickly get adjusted to the surrounding locations and are able to transport all our belongings safely across the city.