I'm not ready!

It’s difficult to imagine how drastically different my life will be in less than two months. I’ll be the first to admit I’m scared. This may come to a surprise especially to my family and close friends as most of the time I put on a fairly calm front. I’m worried. I’m nervous. I’m afraid. I've always struggled with acknowledging God does not need me, but chooses to use me. I'm willing, but I just cannot see how God will use me in this situation? There's multiple barriers including language, culture, and gender to name only a few. I worry that I will be more of a nuisance or a bother to the people of Cambodia than any form of help or encouragement. I'm constantly questioning how God will use me and what I have to offer. In all honestly, I have nothing. I don’t know what will happen in Cambodia, how I’ll change, or how God will use me. I don’t know when, where, or in what ways but I don’t need to know. I can trust in the fact that God continually uses the weak to lead the strong. I am confident now more than ever of God’s love and provision for me. Through inspiring conversations, prayer, encouraging notes, and unconditional support from friends and family God has covered me with confidence and strength.

I’m again reminded of the verse I used to sing to myself to sleep at night when I was scared lying in bed in the dark, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.” (Psalm 56:3-4) God may not take away my fear completely, but I WILL continue to trust in Him having the confidence that He will use me you ways I may never know.