I am thanking God for this time in Cambodia and for the ability to rest.
This journey to Cambodia has given me such an opportunity to pause from my regular life, to breathe, and to center myself in him. I have learned so much about myself since coming here...really since deciding to come here...and never did I expect to grow as much as I have in such little time. There have been so many moments of indecision and uncertainty. So many times when I dig deep and find nothing. And those moments have been when I see God's steady hand offered to me and realize that it has been there the whole time. That I have been blindly and stubbornly pushing it away until that moment. In those moments, I find myself quiet before God, honest and owning my brokenness, sins, and shortcomings. In that stillness is when I know that I will never be enough for this world, but I am always enough for God. He anticipates my failures and shows me through them that I was created to desperately need him.
God created me to be inadequate without him, and I am praising him for that this week.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
One of the cafes that we sometimes work from during the week is named Jars of Clay. I had forgotten where this was referenced in the Bible and its meaning until Julie stumbled upon it this week in her reading and she shared it with me. Her Bible had a commentary that explained the fact that Paul used clay jars as an example because they are simple and less than satisfactory in their appearance. The fact that I am inadequate and simple in appearance shows God's power in me all the more clearly. It is not by mistake that he made me inadequate and incapable on my own...it is for his glory to be known and so that I can learn to be dependent despite my stubbornness.
I am beautifully inadequate in him.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Bo Ding
Here it is. One of the biggest brothels in Phnom Penh. Bo Ding. Right off a main road, it seems to stretch for a painful eternity. Even if it is a brilliantly sunny day, it doesn't seem to reach this place. This building doesn't hide its darkness. It's exposed so clearly to us and yet it's passed by thousands all day without a second glance. As we pass by, we battle within our hearts whether to shut down and become numb or to use the breaking of our hearts to find strength and take action.
To local Cambodians, it is just another industry. The sex trade is a way of life and offers to many the hope of a decent wage. It is normal and common. Just another street...just another building.
"If this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgement." 2 Peter 2:9
To local Cambodians, it is just another industry. The sex trade is a way of life and offers to many the hope of a decent wage. It is normal and common. Just another street...just another building.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
More Than Enough
Tutoring
Becca and I now have had 6 days of tutoring! Due to one of the workers not feeling well, we weren't able to begin tutoring until Wednesday of last week. We bike to work every day and tutor with 2 girls for an hour. This hour is very special to us. The first day was unforgettable. Becs and I had discussed what we were planning on accomplishing the first day, but when the time came and we were both alone in a room with two unknown girls whose names we weren't able to pronounce correctly without being corrected, I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. What had I gotten myself into? It wasn't the nerves, I just had no idea what to say or do. I am not a teacher. The first 15 minutes felt like an eternity. The girls were extremely nervous and giddy which only increased my own emotions of nervousness and apprehension. Just exchanging names and trying to show them a few pictures of friends and family back home - I felt completely inadequate. As much as I despise these moments, God reveals Himself to me in such a beautiful way. Reminding me it's all about Him. In these moments of deep inadequacy, I am forced to FULLY rely on God. Even for a moment, even for an hour, even for one small aspect of my life. It is here where 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 comes to life. The book Jesus Calling says, "True confidence comes from knowing you are complete in my Presence." I can stand tall, speak loud and clear, and know that even when I fail, even when I fall apart, I can have confidence knowing that I am STILL in God's presence. Later that day, God pointed me to Exodus 36:7 "...because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work." Since God is living inside of me even when I don't feel it or see it or comprehend it, I MUST BELIEVE the promises of God are true out of faith. If God is living inside of me, I have the power to do so much more than I can even begin to fathom.
Becca and I figured things out as we went and the girls, 15 and 18 years old, were absolutely wonderful. They want to learn - which makes a huge difference! We laughed and smiled and even learned some new Khmer words. My cheeks hurt after our first day of tutoring because I couldn't stop smiling and laughing for an hour straight! We have had a translator in and out of our classroom, but from now on it will just be Becca and I. In the last 6 days we have been teaching them the ABCs, numbers, colors, and basic conversations. Every day except Fridays, Becca and I will teach these girls basic English and come up with our own lesson plans. Becca and I are absolutely thrilled to spend an hour each day with these girls. It is a joy and blessing to be with them, and we are so excited to learn and grow with them.
ICA-International Christian Assembly
This is the church Becca and I attended last Sunday. A part of me felt at home, while another part felt strange to be in this type of church while in Cambodia. 31 nationalities represented and about 400-500 people. A worship band, English speaking congregation, air conditioning, and a pretty charismatic church for Cambodia. It was one of the only places we have felt we could be ourselves - not being stared at, pointed at, or judged. How beautiful - to walk in to a church and feel at home. The music was great and the sermon was both convicting and empowering, but the people we met on the way were what really made it feel like home.
We were able to hitch a ride to the church with Jonathan Trotter and half of his family, son and daughter. From our first conversation, I almost immediately respected and admired their family. Sharing his story of coming to Cambodia, his path of work, and desire to minister to street kids, he was extremely friendly and authentic. His wife and him were missionaries and had a mini van, a house, and 4 kids to take care of all under the age of 10. What drew me to the family was their contentment. After being in Cambodia for only 9 months and taking Khmer lessons 5-6 hours every day, he said, "even if things didn't work out and we had to move back to the States tomorrow, I would still be grateful for the chance to come here. The time before we arrived and my experience since living here has changed me. I have grown and I am not the same person I was before." Such honesty and contentment bubbled over inside of him. The way he spoke and responded to his kids was beautiful. Not speaking down to them or talking to them on a lower level, but speaking to his kids the same way he spoke to adults.
This family began a difficult but necessary conversation between Becca and I discussing the implications of being in Cambodia for such a short amount of time. 6 months is all I can handle right now, but 6 months seems like nothing. Even before leaving for Cambodia, God was teaching me about the importance of true community - both inward and outward. Everything seems to come back to relationships and commitment. Even before leaving I questioned what I could really do in 6 months? Is there even a difference I can make in that short period of time? Whether talking about an organization or people, change and growth takes place through long term investment in the lives of others. It just takes time. So what am I doing here? Logically lifelong relationships and long-term commitments are the "ideal." That is where true change and growth can take place and community is developed. If I do believe that, then why did I agree to come to Cambodia for 6 months? We talked about this for awhile and concluded that this is all true - YET God does not always work in ways that are logical. Logically, it makes sense that if I were in Cambodia for 3 years I could contribute much more than I could if I were only here for 3 weeks. However, God is not limited to what is logical. Now, I"m not saying this is always true or never true, but I am saying God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes those friendships we have for a few short months are more impactful and life-changing than the friendships we have had for years or even those within our own families. Though a strong part of me believes that coming here for 6 months seems useless, wasteful, and selfish, I am reminded that God is not limited. Nothing is impossible; I must refuse to put any form of limitation on God, his abilities and his movement.
A New Friend: Seng
A highlight of this week took place as Becca and I rode back on a tuk tuk one afternoon. She noticed Seng on the side of one of the streets we passed, our mango friend we haven't seen in 3 weeks. I got excited and waved not realizing he thought I was flagging him down. I thought he was going to get on his moto and follow us but I didn't see him. Becs and I laughed about how funny that would be if he followed us all the way to our apartment. While we were about 3-4 blocks from our apartment, here comes Seng waiving his arms in the air. He had followed us! I was SO pleased - yet a bit hesitant. I didn't mean to wave him down, I just was excited to see him. It was too late now, he had followed us for so long we HAD to buy mangos now. I was facing Seng as we continued to ride, as he had a giant grin on his face - such a genuinely happy man. We stopped and got out at our apartment and he came over speaking the tiny bit of English that he knows to us. We were happy to see Seng since we hadn't seen him in such a long time. Remembering we had 5 mangos in the fridge, we were only planning on buying 3. However, Seng gave us his business card and persisted to give us 6 mangos and told us there was no charge! We were thrilled, ecstatic, and overjoyed by surprise! Seng a man who sells mangos all day; that's all he has. Mangos day in and day out...mangos, mangos, mangos. Yet - he gives us such a special gift; he gives us the only thing he has - mangos. I was so happy to see Seng and his smiling face, but to have received such a gift from him - I will never forget this man's act of kindness.
Some highlights of the week
-they taught the first day of the life skills curriculum Becca and I have been working on
-heavenly and dangerous discovery: there's a night-time ice cream stand less than 2 blocks away that has very cheap ice cream! (Usally ice cream is rare and expensive.)
-God reminding me that it's still me - I'm still here and I haven't run away from myself
-discovering our favorite tuk tuk driver named Mr. Rith. He looks just like a gently caring father.
-seeing a movie called "Enemies of the People" a documentary interviewing the top leaders during the Khmer Rouge
-having our first "bad" meal - yet still not getting sick!
Prayer Requests
Prayer requests include God continuing to open up our hearts and minds. Every day it is a battle to put ourselves out there and not be afraid to fail. It will and does happy (quite frequently), but life moves on and God uses our failures to teach us new things. Pray that our fear of failing or thoughts of inadequacy won't prevent us from doing God's work. Pray that Becca and I will be able to build trust with the girls we are tutoring and begin to somehow show God's love to them through our teaching and interactions. Please also continue to pray for Becca and I's health as we are right in the middle of Dengue season.
THANK YOU! WE LOVE YOU ALL!
Becca and I now have had 6 days of tutoring! Due to one of the workers not feeling well, we weren't able to begin tutoring until Wednesday of last week. We bike to work every day and tutor with 2 girls for an hour. This hour is very special to us. The first day was unforgettable. Becs and I had discussed what we were planning on accomplishing the first day, but when the time came and we were both alone in a room with two unknown girls whose names we weren't able to pronounce correctly without being corrected, I felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness. What had I gotten myself into? It wasn't the nerves, I just had no idea what to say or do. I am not a teacher. The first 15 minutes felt like an eternity. The girls were extremely nervous and giddy which only increased my own emotions of nervousness and apprehension. Just exchanging names and trying to show them a few pictures of friends and family back home - I felt completely inadequate. As much as I despise these moments, God reveals Himself to me in such a beautiful way. Reminding me it's all about Him. In these moments of deep inadequacy, I am forced to FULLY rely on God. Even for a moment, even for an hour, even for one small aspect of my life. It is here where 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 comes to life. The book Jesus Calling says, "True confidence comes from knowing you are complete in my Presence." I can stand tall, speak loud and clear, and know that even when I fail, even when I fall apart, I can have confidence knowing that I am STILL in God's presence. Later that day, God pointed me to Exodus 36:7 "...because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work." Since God is living inside of me even when I don't feel it or see it or comprehend it, I MUST BELIEVE the promises of God are true out of faith. If God is living inside of me, I have the power to do so much more than I can even begin to fathom.
Becca and I figured things out as we went and the girls, 15 and 18 years old, were absolutely wonderful. They want to learn - which makes a huge difference! We laughed and smiled and even learned some new Khmer words. My cheeks hurt after our first day of tutoring because I couldn't stop smiling and laughing for an hour straight! We have had a translator in and out of our classroom, but from now on it will just be Becca and I. In the last 6 days we have been teaching them the ABCs, numbers, colors, and basic conversations. Every day except Fridays, Becca and I will teach these girls basic English and come up with our own lesson plans. Becca and I are absolutely thrilled to spend an hour each day with these girls. It is a joy and blessing to be with them, and we are so excited to learn and grow with them.
ICA-International Christian Assembly
This is the church Becca and I attended last Sunday. A part of me felt at home, while another part felt strange to be in this type of church while in Cambodia. 31 nationalities represented and about 400-500 people. A worship band, English speaking congregation, air conditioning, and a pretty charismatic church for Cambodia. It was one of the only places we have felt we could be ourselves - not being stared at, pointed at, or judged. How beautiful - to walk in to a church and feel at home. The music was great and the sermon was both convicting and empowering, but the people we met on the way were what really made it feel like home.
We were able to hitch a ride to the church with Jonathan Trotter and half of his family, son and daughter. From our first conversation, I almost immediately respected and admired their family. Sharing his story of coming to Cambodia, his path of work, and desire to minister to street kids, he was extremely friendly and authentic. His wife and him were missionaries and had a mini van, a house, and 4 kids to take care of all under the age of 10. What drew me to the family was their contentment. After being in Cambodia for only 9 months and taking Khmer lessons 5-6 hours every day, he said, "even if things didn't work out and we had to move back to the States tomorrow, I would still be grateful for the chance to come here. The time before we arrived and my experience since living here has changed me. I have grown and I am not the same person I was before." Such honesty and contentment bubbled over inside of him. The way he spoke and responded to his kids was beautiful. Not speaking down to them or talking to them on a lower level, but speaking to his kids the same way he spoke to adults.
This family began a difficult but necessary conversation between Becca and I discussing the implications of being in Cambodia for such a short amount of time. 6 months is all I can handle right now, but 6 months seems like nothing. Even before leaving for Cambodia, God was teaching me about the importance of true community - both inward and outward. Everything seems to come back to relationships and commitment. Even before leaving I questioned what I could really do in 6 months? Is there even a difference I can make in that short period of time? Whether talking about an organization or people, change and growth takes place through long term investment in the lives of others. It just takes time. So what am I doing here? Logically lifelong relationships and long-term commitments are the "ideal." That is where true change and growth can take place and community is developed. If I do believe that, then why did I agree to come to Cambodia for 6 months? We talked about this for awhile and concluded that this is all true - YET God does not always work in ways that are logical. Logically, it makes sense that if I were in Cambodia for 3 years I could contribute much more than I could if I were only here for 3 weeks. However, God is not limited to what is logical. Now, I"m not saying this is always true or never true, but I am saying God works in mysterious ways. Sometimes those friendships we have for a few short months are more impactful and life-changing than the friendships we have had for years or even those within our own families. Though a strong part of me believes that coming here for 6 months seems useless, wasteful, and selfish, I am reminded that God is not limited. Nothing is impossible; I must refuse to put any form of limitation on God, his abilities and his movement.
A New Friend: Seng
A highlight of this week took place as Becca and I rode back on a tuk tuk one afternoon. She noticed Seng on the side of one of the streets we passed, our mango friend we haven't seen in 3 weeks. I got excited and waved not realizing he thought I was flagging him down. I thought he was going to get on his moto and follow us but I didn't see him. Becs and I laughed about how funny that would be if he followed us all the way to our apartment. While we were about 3-4 blocks from our apartment, here comes Seng waiving his arms in the air. He had followed us! I was SO pleased - yet a bit hesitant. I didn't mean to wave him down, I just was excited to see him. It was too late now, he had followed us for so long we HAD to buy mangos now. I was facing Seng as we continued to ride, as he had a giant grin on his face - such a genuinely happy man. We stopped and got out at our apartment and he came over speaking the tiny bit of English that he knows to us. We were happy to see Seng since we hadn't seen him in such a long time. Remembering we had 5 mangos in the fridge, we were only planning on buying 3. However, Seng gave us his business card and persisted to give us 6 mangos and told us there was no charge! We were thrilled, ecstatic, and overjoyed by surprise! Seng a man who sells mangos all day; that's all he has. Mangos day in and day out...mangos, mangos, mangos. Yet - he gives us such a special gift; he gives us the only thing he has - mangos. I was so happy to see Seng and his smiling face, but to have received such a gift from him - I will never forget this man's act of kindness.
Some highlights of the week
-they taught the first day of the life skills curriculum Becca and I have been working on
-heavenly and dangerous discovery: there's a night-time ice cream stand less than 2 blocks away that has very cheap ice cream! (Usally ice cream is rare and expensive.)
-God reminding me that it's still me - I'm still here and I haven't run away from myself
-discovering our favorite tuk tuk driver named Mr. Rith. He looks just like a gently caring father.
-seeing a movie called "Enemies of the People" a documentary interviewing the top leaders during the Khmer Rouge
-having our first "bad" meal - yet still not getting sick!
Prayer Requests
Prayer requests include God continuing to open up our hearts and minds. Every day it is a battle to put ourselves out there and not be afraid to fail. It will and does happy (quite frequently), but life moves on and God uses our failures to teach us new things. Pray that our fear of failing or thoughts of inadequacy won't prevent us from doing God's work. Pray that Becca and I will be able to build trust with the girls we are tutoring and begin to somehow show God's love to them through our teaching and interactions. Please also continue to pray for Becca and I's health as we are right in the middle of Dengue season.
THANK YOU! WE LOVE YOU ALL!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Always Learning
First, to start off with some pictures!
The end of a month here in Cambodia has brought along the next "phase" of living in a new culture. Frustration. Just getting annoyed with...well Cambodia. It sounds awful, and I want to automatically shame myself into acting and feeling the way I think I'm supposed to. I have these expectations...these pictures in my mind that I dreamt up before we got here of how well I would handle the transition and how I would love every minute of being here. Sad to say that those expectations are not 100% coming true.
Don't get me wrong -- I love this country. I love that I'm here, and I love that I get to be here for 6 months. I have even come to love some people I have met since arriving. But I also have moments...and sometimes whole days...where the culture of Cambodia and the unfamiliar feeling of it still just gets under my skin. I feel ashamed even writing it, but it's true.
I've decided to call it "sensory overload." It starts as soon as I walk out the door of our apartment and usually ends when I walk back in. It's just everything. The smells that immediately assail me and never really go away. The heat that makes it impossible for me to function and makes my entire body grow a layer of sweat. The yells and claps of tuk tuk and moto drivers trying to get my attention always and forever -- these guys are persistent. The market is an entirely different kind of sensory overload, and I'm not even gonna get into it. :)
I know that these feelings are natural. I was told I would have them before we came. And I'm being honest about having them now. But none of that makes it any easier to adjust and to change perspective. The only thing I can think of is to just pray that God will not allow this "phase" to take away our joy and love for Cambodia and for this adventure. That it would not last, and we would constantly be able to see clearly our skewed perspectives. We would covet your prayers about this as well. Also, please keep the start of our English tutoring sessions in your prayers! We will hopefully be starting tomorrow!
On a brighter note, some highlights of our week were: attempting and succeeding at making Cinnamon Oatmeal cookies in our tiny toaster oven, vanquishing an entire army of tiny ants that invaded the living room, practicing some Khmer words during our ventures around town, making banana ice cream in our blender, and the number ONE highlight of the week was getting to lead a fun session of charades with the girls at the agency! SO fun and loved getting to spend time with all of them again!!
This week I read the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It was incredible! I don't know if any of you have read that book before -- it's not new by any means, but I just got around to reading it and was blown away. It is such a powerful testimony of courage, wisdom, death, love, friendship, and advice. I ended up writing down 4 pages of quotes from it, but one of the most influential to me was from page 136: "I believe in being fully present. That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking to you now, I try to keep focuses only on what is going on between us. I'm not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking of what's coming up this Friday. I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."
Being present has been rough since coming to Cambodia. Half of me is missing home and the people I love and wanting to fixate on only being here a short time and going back soon. The other half of me is loving this experience and loving the sweet people I am meeting and learning the language and making the most of every minute. These two halves are battling it out for top priority all the time it seems. And it's been hard to find a healthy balance. Being present in every situation. When I'm working on curriculum, being present and thinking about the girls and my time here. When I'm skyping or emailing my loves at home, being present with them and soaking up every word. I feel like the act and discipline of being fully present has been lost in so many ways through technology and the fast pace of society and the obsession with time in general. I'm praying that God will teach me to be fully present while I am here -- and in every aspect of my life. That I will give myself wholly to whatever I am doing in the moment, and I will be able to make each person I encounter feel that undivided attention and love. That's how I feel whenever I come before God, and that's exactly how I want to live.
Our bikes!! We love riding around the city with them!
The memorial for King Norodom Sihanouk outside the Royal Palace.
Some of the wonderful fresh fruit available at the market!
A beautiful sunny day here in Phnom Penh :)
Enjoying a stroll around the park.
The end of a month here in Cambodia has brought along the next "phase" of living in a new culture. Frustration. Just getting annoyed with...well Cambodia. It sounds awful, and I want to automatically shame myself into acting and feeling the way I think I'm supposed to. I have these expectations...these pictures in my mind that I dreamt up before we got here of how well I would handle the transition and how I would love every minute of being here. Sad to say that those expectations are not 100% coming true.
Don't get me wrong -- I love this country. I love that I'm here, and I love that I get to be here for 6 months. I have even come to love some people I have met since arriving. But I also have moments...and sometimes whole days...where the culture of Cambodia and the unfamiliar feeling of it still just gets under my skin. I feel ashamed even writing it, but it's true.
I've decided to call it "sensory overload." It starts as soon as I walk out the door of our apartment and usually ends when I walk back in. It's just everything. The smells that immediately assail me and never really go away. The heat that makes it impossible for me to function and makes my entire body grow a layer of sweat. The yells and claps of tuk tuk and moto drivers trying to get my attention always and forever -- these guys are persistent. The market is an entirely different kind of sensory overload, and I'm not even gonna get into it. :)
I know that these feelings are natural. I was told I would have them before we came. And I'm being honest about having them now. But none of that makes it any easier to adjust and to change perspective. The only thing I can think of is to just pray that God will not allow this "phase" to take away our joy and love for Cambodia and for this adventure. That it would not last, and we would constantly be able to see clearly our skewed perspectives. We would covet your prayers about this as well. Also, please keep the start of our English tutoring sessions in your prayers! We will hopefully be starting tomorrow!
On a brighter note, some highlights of our week were: attempting and succeeding at making Cinnamon Oatmeal cookies in our tiny toaster oven, vanquishing an entire army of tiny ants that invaded the living room, practicing some Khmer words during our ventures around town, making banana ice cream in our blender, and the number ONE highlight of the week was getting to lead a fun session of charades with the girls at the agency! SO fun and loved getting to spend time with all of them again!!
This week I read the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It was incredible! I don't know if any of you have read that book before -- it's not new by any means, but I just got around to reading it and was blown away. It is such a powerful testimony of courage, wisdom, death, love, friendship, and advice. I ended up writing down 4 pages of quotes from it, but one of the most influential to me was from page 136: "I believe in being fully present. That means you should be with the person you're with. When I'm talking to you now, I try to keep focuses only on what is going on between us. I'm not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking of what's coming up this Friday. I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."
Being present has been rough since coming to Cambodia. Half of me is missing home and the people I love and wanting to fixate on only being here a short time and going back soon. The other half of me is loving this experience and loving the sweet people I am meeting and learning the language and making the most of every minute. These two halves are battling it out for top priority all the time it seems. And it's been hard to find a healthy balance. Being present in every situation. When I'm working on curriculum, being present and thinking about the girls and my time here. When I'm skyping or emailing my loves at home, being present with them and soaking up every word. I feel like the act and discipline of being fully present has been lost in so many ways through technology and the fast pace of society and the obsession with time in general. I'm praying that God will teach me to be fully present while I am here -- and in every aspect of my life. That I will give myself wholly to whatever I am doing in the moment, and I will be able to make each person I encounter feel that undivided attention and love. That's how I feel whenever I come before God, and that's exactly how I want to live.
Monday, October 15, 2012
The Good and the...Not so Good
Becca and I are
just arriving on our 3 week mark. Some days it feels as though we’ve been in
Cambodia for such a short time while other days it feels as though we’ve been
here for several months already. This past week Becca and I did a lot of work
on the previously written curriculum editing, adding, and formatting parts that
have already been done. We also had a special dinner at the agency where we
played some silly games, listened to the girls sing an awesome rendition of old
American pop songs in English, and even learned some hip-hop and traditional
Khmer dance moves from the girls. Let’s just say Becs and I could use a few
more lessons. :/
One of the
highlights of the week was when Becca and I rode around on our newly purchased
bikes!!! We cannot explain what an amazing feeling this was to us. Having
exercise be a valuable part in both of our lives, we have greatly missed this
part of our lives back home. Riding around felt so freeing; it gave us such a
huge sense of control, which is definitely something we have been lacking the
last 3 weeks. Maneuvering around traffic is quite challenging, but we are
excited for this new adventure and to be able to travel on our own.
Becca and I are
constantly learning new things about ourselves, our families, and the world as
we know it. It’s strange to believe, but I have felt a huge loss of
independence since arriving in Cambodia. I move across the world to a new place
not knowing anyone, with no rules, no schedule, and the ability to do whatever
I want whenever I want yet when it boils down to it - I am stuck. I can’t
drive, I can’t go many places, I can’t communicate. It feels like I can do very
little or next to nothing on my own. I was not expecting to feel this dependent
on people and places. God has been continually humbling me and revealing my
individualistic tendencies. I’ve recently been reading a daily devotional Jesus
Calling. Part of the message on October 10 stated, “self-sufficient: to be
adequate without God’s help. This is a subtle sin so common that it usually
slips by unnoticed. The alternative is to live fully in the present depending
on God each moment. Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in My abundant
supply.” Becs and I believe that one lesson God is teaching us
through this experience is to rely fully on Him in every situation and to learn
to be dependent on each other as well.
Becca and I have
both felt a sense of guilt this past week. While we have found a wonderful
apartment to stay in, we also recently found out we have a helper that cleans,
does laundry, and goes to the market for us once a week. Becca and I feel so
spoiled! It seems as though we are doing less here than we would be at home in
America. My expectations of coming to Cambodia were nothing like this. I
expected to live on the same level and status as the local Cambodians. Yet, the
reality is very different. Being Caucasian, I am not only stared, pointed, and
gawked at multiple times throughout the day, but I am treated differently both
negatively and positively. In the Asian culture, everything seems to be about
status. Whites are of higher status; therefore, in many instances treated as
royalty. From hotel servers not let me carry huge pieces of luggage up 3
flights of stairs, or always having to eat first at meals…guilt has crept into
my life daily. Seeing such drastic extremes in poverty and wealth, only increase
my feelings of shame and guilt. Yet, where is my guilt coming from? Why do I
feel that I can only serve God when I am suffering? Why do I feel so guilty
about going to restaurants, taking care of myself, living in a nice apartment,
or having a helper? I believe it’s coming from the deeper root of pride. I want
to be the one suffering because then I feel like I am in control. I’m ok with
suffering as long as it’s on my terms. As soon as I’m placed in situations that
are new, something I didn’t sign up for, I’m left with immense fear and
feelings of inadequacy. A post by Amey Victoria Adkins in
an article entitled “Wear It Well” (Word Made
Flesh) she stated, “it is so simple when the circumstances are ones
of my choice. When I choose to put myself in
certain conditions. But what about when they are chosen for us? The experiences
we invite and the experiences that confront us are survived much more easily if
we live in a continued place of learning.” This is my prayer.
The pride within
me wants people to be encouraged and strengthened by my actions, by my
compassion, by my courage. It’s difficult not to feel guilty for living in a
nice apartment and having someone clean. I feel that I do not deserve these
things. My individualistic upbringings has imbedded into me that I must earn
everything I am given. In this new situation, I’m humbled and drawn
to God’s grace. It is not something I have earned or deserved, but God does
call me to accept His unconditional love and grace. Yet, when viewing all these
things. Becca and I didn’t search out any of them. God placed all of these
blessings and gifts in our lives. We should be thankful and grateful, praising
Him instead of feeling guilty.
Becs and I also talked about much we feel
an extra layer of protection since we’ve been here. Not only with health,
safety, and having things run smoothly, but specifically with attitudes. Though
we have our fair share of ups and downs, our attitudes have been encouraging,
positive, and optimistic. I know that there is no way this would be possible if
it weren’t for all the many prayers we are constantly receiving from friends
and family. We cannot say thank you enough. A verse from the New Testament
comes to mind that references being surrounded by a "great cloud of
witnesses." We are so grateful we feel that presence here. Though all
areas of the world have both dark and light (good and evil) in some areas, like
Cambodia, these distinctions are more exposed. While we feel
your prayers so strongly, we have also felt a sense of the spiritual battle
that is going on in Cambodia over the hearts of its
people. Please pray for God's glory to shine here and also
please continue to pray for Becca and I, living and working together, work
and adjusting our lives, safety on the roads as we’ll be traveling more on our
own biking, and anticipating our new work tutoring in the following week.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Eatin Rice and Dodgin Rain
Recap on our second
week in Cambodia!!
We were able to go to work three times to observe and sort of go through an orientation to learn more about the organization. This time was amazing!! We were able to tour the facilities, and sit in on some cooking classes, basic life skill classes, and English classes. We LOVED getting to meet some of the girls and interact with them a bit :)
We also learned what we will be working on primarily for our time here. They are attempting to create a Life Skills curriculum for the girls that will be taught in their classes. This curriculum will cover everything you can imagine that most kids learn from their family growing up, but these girls have not had a chance to yet. Some of it has already been written by past interns, but we will be helping to first get everything formatted in the same ways (harder than it sounds since it's been developed by 10 different people) and then adding to it and writing certain sections that have not been started yet. We are really excited to tackle this challenge! We feel like it is very important for the girls to be able to function safely and live independently without getting dragged back into the cycle of trafficking. This is crucial education for these girls, and we feel really honored to be able to contribute to it! :) Please pray for us as we begin to work on this because neither of us feels qualified in any way to be writing curriculum this precious, so please pray that God will help us write it in a way that the girls will understand, that the teachers can easily teach, and that we will not get frustrated with ourselves during the process :)
Another big thing that happened last week was we moved out of our hotel room!! Hallelujah!! We were definitely starting to feel a bit cramped in one room and lost without a kitchen for sure. We are so very thankful to have moved into a beautiful apartment. We will be living with two women who also work for NGOs in the city, and they have a spare room, which they have SO graciously offered to us for a very, very good price each month!! We are so excited to live with them and get to know them more!! I think our personalities are all very compatible, and it has been fun so far, just over the weekend, to get to hang out and chat. We feel so incredibly grateful and just surprised again by God's amazing provision and blessings :) I still can't believe how this opportunity came to us!! God is so good.
So now that we have access to a kitchen, we have been making smoothies with all of the wonderful fresh fruits available around here and sandwiches with all of the refreshing veggies...making our own food for some meals feels awesome, and I have definitely missed it! Tonight we made a pasta dish with whole grain spaghetti and marinara sauce with some pesto mixed in…then we added tomatoes and cucumbers and walnuts to the sauce. It was delicious! So fun to cook :)
One thing that is pretty humorous about Cambodia is that the stores here have some random American products available. Like Oreos and Fruit Loops ($9 for a small box!) and Skippy peanut butter, and Snickers bars. I have even seen some Monster energy drinks and Slim Jims!! It's pretty funny and always surprising when we see some item so familiar sitting on the shelf! haha We are enjoying having some familiar choices that are available but also trying new foods and flavors. :)
This past Sunday we visited the Free Methodist Church that we went to 2 years ago with our group from school. Our friend, Philemon, went with us so we knew him at least. It was so fun and crazy to revisit a place that we had went to on our last trip here!! Neither of us ever though realistically that we would ever be back to Cambodia, and here we are. It just continues to amaze me that I have this chance to experience the culture and people all over again, and for such a longer amount of time. :)
Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and thoughts for us as we are here!!!!! I have no idea where we would be without your love and support, and we can literally feel the prayer covering that is emanating from the States as we go about life over here in Cambodia. We are having so much fun experiencing all kinds of new things and re-experiencing things that we have forgotten about, and we are so thankful still for this opportunity.
A PRAISE: My (Becca) allergic reaction is going away on my legs, and we think it was the detergent on the sheets at the hotel. So happy it’s almost gone!!! Thank you for the prayers!
Happy October...enjoy the beautiful fall weather for me!!!!!!! I am missing it in this 80 degree tropical rainy weather! :/ Carve a pumpkin or go to a cider mill today in my honor! This is the best season :)
We were able to go to work three times to observe and sort of go through an orientation to learn more about the organization. This time was amazing!! We were able to tour the facilities, and sit in on some cooking classes, basic life skill classes, and English classes. We LOVED getting to meet some of the girls and interact with them a bit :)
We also learned what we will be working on primarily for our time here. They are attempting to create a Life Skills curriculum for the girls that will be taught in their classes. This curriculum will cover everything you can imagine that most kids learn from their family growing up, but these girls have not had a chance to yet. Some of it has already been written by past interns, but we will be helping to first get everything formatted in the same ways (harder than it sounds since it's been developed by 10 different people) and then adding to it and writing certain sections that have not been started yet. We are really excited to tackle this challenge! We feel like it is very important for the girls to be able to function safely and live independently without getting dragged back into the cycle of trafficking. This is crucial education for these girls, and we feel really honored to be able to contribute to it! :) Please pray for us as we begin to work on this because neither of us feels qualified in any way to be writing curriculum this precious, so please pray that God will help us write it in a way that the girls will understand, that the teachers can easily teach, and that we will not get frustrated with ourselves during the process :)
Another big thing that happened last week was we moved out of our hotel room!! Hallelujah!! We were definitely starting to feel a bit cramped in one room and lost without a kitchen for sure. We are so very thankful to have moved into a beautiful apartment. We will be living with two women who also work for NGOs in the city, and they have a spare room, which they have SO graciously offered to us for a very, very good price each month!! We are so excited to live with them and get to know them more!! I think our personalities are all very compatible, and it has been fun so far, just over the weekend, to get to hang out and chat. We feel so incredibly grateful and just surprised again by God's amazing provision and blessings :) I still can't believe how this opportunity came to us!! God is so good.
So now that we have access to a kitchen, we have been making smoothies with all of the wonderful fresh fruits available around here and sandwiches with all of the refreshing veggies...making our own food for some meals feels awesome, and I have definitely missed it! Tonight we made a pasta dish with whole grain spaghetti and marinara sauce with some pesto mixed in…then we added tomatoes and cucumbers and walnuts to the sauce. It was delicious! So fun to cook :)
One thing that is pretty humorous about Cambodia is that the stores here have some random American products available. Like Oreos and Fruit Loops ($9 for a small box!) and Skippy peanut butter, and Snickers bars. I have even seen some Monster energy drinks and Slim Jims!! It's pretty funny and always surprising when we see some item so familiar sitting on the shelf! haha We are enjoying having some familiar choices that are available but also trying new foods and flavors. :)
This past Sunday we visited the Free Methodist Church that we went to 2 years ago with our group from school. Our friend, Philemon, went with us so we knew him at least. It was so fun and crazy to revisit a place that we had went to on our last trip here!! Neither of us ever though realistically that we would ever be back to Cambodia, and here we are. It just continues to amaze me that I have this chance to experience the culture and people all over again, and for such a longer amount of time. :)
Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and thoughts for us as we are here!!!!! I have no idea where we would be without your love and support, and we can literally feel the prayer covering that is emanating from the States as we go about life over here in Cambodia. We are having so much fun experiencing all kinds of new things and re-experiencing things that we have forgotten about, and we are so thankful still for this opportunity.
A PRAISE: My (Becca) allergic reaction is going away on my legs, and we think it was the detergent on the sheets at the hotel. So happy it’s almost gone!!! Thank you for the prayers!
Happy October...enjoy the beautiful fall weather for me!!!!!!! I am missing it in this 80 degree tropical rainy weather! :/ Carve a pumpkin or go to a cider mill today in my honor! This is the best season :)
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
"Same Same but Different"
Becca and I survived our first full week in Cambodia and we got to celebrate with a wonderful blessing from God. WE FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE!!! God demolished our expectations and fulfilled our need to find housing. Becca and I will be living in a safe apartment with two other American women who are working at two different anti-trafficking agencies. What an unbelievable opportunity! Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory.”
 |
| Here is the view outside our current hotel window. |
Though we have been very anxious to begin work, Becca and I have both taken full advantage of our time here before beginning. We’ve spent lots of time writing, reflecting, journaling, and processing all that we see, hear, and experience. It's been a wonderful gift.  |
| Waterfront view. |
Last Saturday we were able to visit the Royal Palace and walk along the waterfront in a different area of the city. When it rains, it pours. There are moments when it feels as though we are in the middle of a rainforest, the raindrops are HUGE. One of the most exciting parts of the weekend was a wild ride we had back to our hotel on a tuk tuk (taxi service on a motorcycle). Our driver was hilarious as we drove through the flooded streets while being splashed by naked children playing in the life size puddles. Sunday we attended an Anglican Church which was spoken in English. Becca and I take in these precious moments worshiping together with different types of believers from different countries, places, and cultures yet bringing glory to the same God. It’s absolutely beautiful. We plan on attending several different churches the first month or so before we begin to settle in somewhere.
Becca and I were assigned to read several articles prior to working at the agency. They included working in Cambodia and human trafficking specifically in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I cannot explain the feeling of reading about such things while looking out our window into the outskirts of nearby locations, not sure if I should allow my mind to go to that place.
As we are reading and learning more about the Cambodian culture one of the articles really resonated with me. It claimed, “very few of us give sufficient attention to recognizing that others think, believe and feel very differently than we do, sometimes so differently that nothing in our experience equips us really to understand each other at all. Perhaps it is because the subject is so challenging that so little time is given it.” Whether a foreigner has been working in Cambodia for 20 years or just 6 months, there are things that will never be understand and to some degree cannot understand.
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| Royal Palace |
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| Another view from our hotel |
Prayer Request: Becca’s has had a mystery allergic reaction after our first days in Cambodia. It is not progressing but not improving much either. Becca and I will be moving soon to our new location so pray that we quickly get adjusted to the surrounding locations and are able to transport all our belongings safely across the city.
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